28/1/24 I have to go cold turkey no matter what

 It is already the 28th of January.  I am supposed to totally quit smoking by 2nd February.

No Nicorette either.  It is poison to the microbiome.  

To save money, I must stop all forms of vice.

Fine, I start fresh.  Three things only; sleep well, move more, eat right.

I can do this.  I did it before.

Avoir!
SJ 4964

>>>#28/1/24 I woke up feeling fresh

 Today is a great start.  I had a good rest.

So the journey continues...

Now that I have a fresh perspective, I figured all this planning was futile without the financial commitment in the first place.

At best, I can plan, but that is as far as I can go.  Without the capital injection, I can't mobilize my resources.

Hence, I can only do so much.  Beyond a certain limit, I am nothing more than "tong kosong" (empty barrel).

This is like playing cards.  I need to see the last card. In less than a year. I need to know whether this is a real deal or a bluff.

The money in the *ba[ck] (bank) is really the acid test. 

* I really hope so.

This is the last leg.  It is the differentiator between form is form and emptiness and emptiness.

We shall see.  In the meantime, I will focus on things I can control, mainly my time.

Life throws me lemons, I simply make lemonade.

Avoir!
SJ 4964

27/1/24 Looking at the different scenarios in my life, I am better off alone

 Time to look at the various scenarios and assess the situation.

Here is the bottom line:  The minute I deal with people, I start to spend money.

OK, I already spent what needs to be spent.  Now to retreat back to my 5 km radius of White Space.

I am beginning to feel that this is where I'm supposed to be.  There is a lesson here somewhere.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I should remain in isolation.

Sigh... Head games.

Well, fine...  Soon we will know if any of this carries weight.

Time for bed.

Avoir!
SJ 4964 

27/1/24 The more I think about it the more I am not comfortable with Alexander

 We call this "Syok Sendiri" ( too much into himself).  He is not a team player.  Like before, he is only interested in his own initiative.  Rightfully we have the T-shirt business and the band.

His model of business is to cut a deal with the Chinaman, then the Chinaman does the fulfillment and he just skims the commission.

No value-adding at all.  Typical of a Malay businessman.  He survives all this while skimming the top-end.

Mark my words, there is no loyalty with this guy.

I feel like dragging a deadbeat.

Too bad I am stuck with him.  I should have known, he is an unethical businessman.

So I think I just distanced myself from him.  Let's collapse the T-shirt business and move steadily with the band.

As a matter of fact, let's wait for the money.

In the meantime, I harness my Personal Power.  Back to the pot of gold:

  There is a reason why I never do business with Alexander.  He is unscrupulous.  I better stay clear of him.  He is going to cause trouble.

I didn't tell Lizzie that I gave him money.  Actually, the money is a cynical way of telling him that when he was high and mighty, he could only spare me RM100, I can do much better tha[t] (than) that as a bother.

Let him remember that...  Good life is indeed the best revenge.

He is so into cliches that he watched in the movies.  When his son died, his cliche was, "I thought my son buries me, turns out I bury my son."  I saw that movie.  I said to myself, this guy is such a fake.

That's why I said he is an Alpha Male Wannabe.  He didn't even want to identify his son's body at the morgue.  The wife did it...

I'm not bad-mouthing him, I am just reminding myself that we are the complete opposite.  As long as he adopts this Alpha Male Wannabe attitude, he will forever be living in La La Land.

This guy was scarred so badly in his childhood that he became defensive the minute people disagreed with him.

I actually pity him but the scar is too deep.  Plus he is contaminated with all these Machelvallian books he read about power.  Speaking of...  I want to extract another Robert Greene's book.

Later...

Avoir!
SJ 4964

27/1/24 Today is a Good Day

 It was a pleasant wedding reception.  The atmosphere was pleasant, the food was delicious, and the crowd was sensible.  Even the kids were well-behaved.

I had a good time chatting with the distant relatives.  Everybody was pretty level-headed.  There was no pretense.

I was seated at the first seat.  The minute they said it was time to eat I didn't waste my time and dug in.

It was a well-organized reception.  The whole thing was urban and reflected a moderate Malay perspective.  I don't like the Arabization of the Malay values.  Much like the Madani values.  I don't mind being a Malay, provided it is an authentic Malay value.

Hey, I managed to snap a photo with my two girls:

I also touched base with Iron Maiden SEA.  They are on the ball.  All it takes is for everybody to move at the same pace.  After all, it is about leveraging the resources.

This is the real test of team cohesion.  I[t] (If) everybody agrees to the apportionment, then we are OK.  It is when people start to become greedy that the trouble begins.

So to safeguard my interest, I am drafting the agreement, and when the money comes in, I will finance the band and the promotion team.

I hoped to use the TraXX engagement money to seed this project.

I have to be firm on this one.  If not managed properly, this can be a money pit.  I need Angela to come in as my financial controller.  But first, I need to subscribe to a simple yet practical accounting software.

I have to think this through.  Or else I am taking an unnecessary risk.  Plus, I need to justify my role if I cannot inject capital.

Just thinking out loud.

In the end, it all depends on the seed.

Avoir!
SJ 4964

27/1/24 4:15 am and I am still wide awake

 There should be two, Darkness and Ghost.  Ghost is the male and he is a Djinn.  I have not met Ghost.  He is an elderly Djinn.  I don't know what happened to him.

All the while I have been dealing with Darkness.  Darkness is a Demonica.  I am indeed closer to Darkness.  I liberated all my Djinns a few years back.

Djinns are temperamental.  That is why I try not to befriend Djinns.

Demons are different.  They are very loyal.  While Djinns are my front liners, Demons are my support personnel.

Djinns make good soldiers while Demons are good caretakers.

The Djinn I dealt with the most was Marij.  Now I hardly talk to her since I abdicated Sparta 4964 to Al Araf 7:7.

My constant companion now is Ar Rahman 55.  I recently appointed Dini the Flowerchimp as my personal adjunct.  Therefore CCC is alive and well even though I don't talk much about them.  Everybody has their own assignment to think of.

 I have all the support that I need.  Thin[ks] (things) are pretty much self-governing once the roles and responsibilities are spelled out.

That is the style I adopted with the House of Two Swords, Legion X, Starfleet, and Iron Maiden SEA.

If I can do it with Al Araf 7:7 and CCC, the other setup should be able to do the same.

OK, enough rambling for tonight.

I want to see if I can sleep.

Avoir

SJ 4964

>>>#27/1/24 I should be sleeping, but I am too alert

 I slept quite a bit before lunch today.  So I don't feel like sleeping.  This new Chill, Radio Online is really spot on.  This kind of music suits my requirements for a superb Cybernetic Loop.

I was trying to entice Darkness to show herself just now but to no avail.  So I decided to inspect the shadow flash more closely:

1. One possibility is it came for the cars coming instead of moving away from the house.  Not possible...  The light will shine on the trees and the shadow moves into the house.  The shadow is less dense,  This shadow that I saw is pitch black and it moves away from the house
2. The second possibility was somebody was in the wet kitchen.  Not possible because everybody was sleeping at 3:00 am in the wee hour.  I tested just now, standing in the wet kitchen.  My shadow, less dense, cannot reach the neighbor's wall.  It fell on the grass.  Even if I move very close to the wet kitchen wall, I cannot cast a shadow on the neighbor's wall.  It defies physics.  On top of that, the stove is positioned by the wet kitchen wall.
3. The third possibility was bats.  Not possible...  This shadow is about 7 feet high and it has a head a[s] (and) a silhouette of a cloak.
4. The fourth possibility was the neighbor on my left.  Also not possible.  Their house fence is three feet higher tha[t] (than) mine.  This shadow flash was at my ground level.  Furthermore, it was very dark.  Or should I say black?

To add to the enigma, when I listen to songs, More than once I hear a woman's voice singing along on the radio.  At first, I thought one of you Spooks trying to throw me a prank.  Now I don't discount it was Darkness singing.

I give you a hint.  When Darkness is around, I get goosebumps for no reason, even though I am not afraid whatsoever.  That's why I wanted her to reveal herself to me.  She is my guardian!

What are the other possibilities?  I am very excited knowing that Darkness is with me.  The singer sang very well.  As I write this I get goosebumps.  OK, let me try to entice Darkness to show herself once again.  I'll smoke [b]y (my) last cigarette for the night.

Post Script:  I had a pep talk with Darkness just now.  Basically, I laid down the rules.  No terkejut-terkejut.  No going to my children's bedroom.  No going to my bedroom (she insisted.  So I said, she sleeps on my side of the bed).

She likes Sound Journey, so I switched to TraXX after 12:00 am from now on.  I could hear her appreciative voice when I did that.  Her voice is very pleasant.

Oh, I know why they prefer the night over the day.  They are shadows.  Shadows lurk in the dark.

The other night, she showed herself because Alexander said there is nothing in CCC after I told him that I "keep".  So Darkness affirms that she exists.  Now I know.  

Avoir!

SJ 4964